The holidays are approaching kids… and you know what that means.  It’s time to start annoying your parents for outrageous gifts!  So your friend is getting that new puppy for Christmas, isn’t he?  Don’t fret!  Rub it in his face when you get your very own pet Metroid!

They’re cuddly, they’re cute, they’re mean, lean, and green.  And they don’t bite (they just suck your life energy away, but who cares about that?)!  You’ll be the talk of the town (we can assure you)!  For your very own pet Metroid, please call 1-800-MET-ROID (not a real number, lol).  Call now (seriously, don’t call) because Metroids are limited.

Disclaimer: Metroids are dangerous, dangerous creatures that should never be let out of their containment cells.  If the power magically goes out and the cell breaks, run for your ****ing life.  If you have nowhere to run, chuck some ice cubes at it.  They’re weak against the cold.  If Samus Aran mysteriously shows up at your door and kills your pet Metroid, we are not responsible.  Oh, and by the way, don’t call that number.  Seriously, don’t.