After increasing amounts of pressure from hereto-unidentified man, Reggie Fils-Aime – Nintendo of America president and COO – has been forced to step down from his position, with his usurper claiming the company’s recent performance to be “unforgivable.”

The man, only identified as a tall African-American man in his mid-to-late twenties, reportedly threatened Fils-Aime at knifepoint in NoA’s headquarters in Redmond, Washington.  When told by the former president that his actions were completely out of line, the man reportedly replied, “Bitch, I don’t care!”

In a public conference, the new NoA president stated:

Now I’ve been keeping my eye on Nintendo lately.  They just put out this Wii Fit, or somethin’.  I need to build up my pimp-slapping muscles, so I call up my boy Bovice and tell him that he’s driving me to Gamestop.  We get there and I tell the bitch at the desk I want my Wii Fit.  And she’s like, ‘Umm, that’ll be $129.97.’  I’ve only got five bucks, so I say, ‘Bitch, that’s a mistake!”  I slit her wrists, vertically, took my Wii Fit while she was all on the floor dying, making a scene and sh*t.  Me and Bovice walked out and went to my place.

As soon as I got on that thing, it f*cking SNAPPED under my feet!  So I told Bovice to drive me to the president of Nintendo.  It took three days!  With no food!  So when we got there, I went to the nearest restaurant, ordered a chicken sandwich and some waffle fries – for free! – and told this Reggie bitch he don’t work for Nintendo no more.  When he complained, I told him, ‘I’m about to call Bovice…we ‘bout to run the train on you, bitch!  Then I grabbed his secretary, and I hit that ass all night!

Although everyone in attendance still had no idea what he meant to accomplish with this diatribe, he seemed to be satisfied with it and concluded, “Now tell me, is that unforgivable?”