In what has come as a surprise to many of his fans, it has recently come to light that Link has begun working at local Hyrule strip clubs, dubbing himself “Gerudo Twilight” and pole-dancing almost exclusively at the Lonely Zora Gentlemen’s Club, although a rather large man with red hair and a beard did claim to have received a lapdance from him.

“This is really nothing unusual,” said General Thron of the Hyrule Army, “a lot of people experiment with these kinds of things.  I guess once Link saw Zelda dressing up as Sheik, that caught his eye.  Actually, I sort of prefer her when she looks like she might be a guy…I didn’t say that out loud, did I?”

After recently saving Hyrule from being engulfed by the Twilight Realm, he has described himself as “just taking it easy for a while, and maybe developing my swordplay skills, if you catch my drift.”  I certainly do now, Link, because I just vomited.