Studies Show Pokemon Popular Among Preteens, College Stoners

(You hear that? It's the sound of millions of childhoods simultaneously ruined.)

According to a recent survey, Pokemon (including all series within the franchise) is consistently named as the favorite show of Americans between the ages of 6 and 12, as well as those among the 18-22 age demographic who are habitual users of marijuana.  Further research uncovered startling similarities between the two groups.

The survey interviewed subjects to gain insight into the connections between the 6-12 group and 18-22 stoner demographic.  When asked why he enjoyed the show, one fifth-grader responded, “Because I really like how Ash and Pikachu are such good friends, and I always pretend that I can be friends like that with someone, like my cat!”

(A sampling of the average middle school student.)

One of the randomly-selected college students, Ray Stanier, adopted a similar, child-like approach for his analysis of the anime series.  “I mean, I watched that show every day when I was a kid, and now when I watch it again, I keep thinking, what if those Pokemon were waiting for me to watch them again?  And also, like, I really wanna blaze with Charizard.  That would be pretty sweet.”  He then erupted into laughter, which continued intermittently for the next ten minutes, essentially ending the interview at that point.

(The average college student.)

We asked Dr. Keith Chillner of the American Psychological Association (APA) about the odd similarities in these findings, and he had some insightful responses for us.  “We’re well aware of the self-mocking sort of nostalgia many American adults find in watching television series they enjoyed in their childhood.  But these people, these college stoners, they’re different.  The reason you find so many similarities between the two groups is because they’re very similar in general.  They love snacks and naps, and they also love getting blitzed out of their mind.”

Several of those involved in the study expressed a desire to analyze the college sub-group for an extended period of time.  Their proposed plan involved “crashing in their rooms for like a week or two” and “just chilling, bro.”  They also requested an allotment of five bags of Twizzlers and seven bags of Goldfish per capita.